some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can text with my tongue
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
