dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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