Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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