Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
