Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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