whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
