i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
