perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
