I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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