I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
