Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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