Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
