You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
