see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
