I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
