I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
