she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
