I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My room smells like vodka and shame
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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