yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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