Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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