Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
