too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
