why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
