For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
