it wasn't lemon gatorade
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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