i barfeds in our rink
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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