Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
