it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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