8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
