doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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