I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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