farters have to be the big spoon...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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