You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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