Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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