You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
