I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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