it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
