that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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