I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
