walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
