I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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