mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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