He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
