Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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