She is in my trunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
