Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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