I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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