shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
