Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
