So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
