i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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