So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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