He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
