So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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